angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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