May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
