Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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