Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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