i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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