he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
