ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
