Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
