I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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