im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
