After last night, I could never be a politician.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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