So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
did i walk over a car last night?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Randomize
