well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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