worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
