wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize