What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
