I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think i got beer on your cat.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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