I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
