new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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