Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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