last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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