It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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