dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
