Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
