im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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