I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
