you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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