i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
FUCK WHALES
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
