I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
