I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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