Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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