can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
