There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize