if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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