what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
