Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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