using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
