yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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