Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
