Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
