Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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