if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
