In America we eat man semen.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
