i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
