just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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