How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
