How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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