My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
