3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
