i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
