help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
