That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
