He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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