You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize