I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
