That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
