guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
