I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
