I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
