dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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