Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
