put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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