Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
His nipple licking is glorious
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