literally had 100 drinks last night.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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