whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I need moral support for this bender
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
