Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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