I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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