i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
