i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
