I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize