TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
